About Me

My Story

    At the end of September 2020, I entered the "online MTC" to begin my journey as an LDS missionary. This was very exciting for me, I had participated in "mission prep" classes 4 times in the years prior to this and prepared my entire life for this moment. I loved everything about the church, especially going to the temple. Between living in Utah and Idaho I had attended the temple nearly every single week for about 5 years. I was the kid that you thought was a bit "too Mormon", haha.
    I have always been wary of government corruption, not sure how someone can read the BoM and not be haha, so needless to say I don’t wear a mask; however, I was willing to stick it on in order to receive my endowments and obey the counsel of my mission president when I arrived. Because that is what I was supposed to do, I believed that my leaders would never ask me to do anything that could potentially harm me. I was obedient to the mission mask “mandate” for about… the first week and a half. Wearing them not only made me feel ridiculous, but the Spirit was telling me that I knew it was wrong, that I was living a lie. Other than the occasional verbal quarrel with a companion or local leader about not wearing my masks properly, I was doing good, I loved the Gospel of Christ and the people who I was able to teach. Then came the commotion about the va((ine… and I felt prompted to learn about it. So I definitely hacked the MAAS restrictions that are on all missionaries' phones and began to research in my spare time. I concluded that these shots for this v1rus have been inspired by the devil himself. I’m not going to get into the information about that in this post, if you have questions about this or any other things I mention you can reach out to me. During my personal study one day I was reading in 2 Nephi chapter 28, Christ is speaking in verse 31 and says that it is a curse to trust any man unless their precepts are given to you by the Spirit, cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. That particular phrase stuck out to me, I wasn’t sure why. Well, once I had finished my study I opened up FB (our only tracting tool) and the first post I saw was Russell Nelson, sleeve rolled up, arm exposed, receiving the va((ine. He encouraged us to be good global citizens, calling it a “literal godsend”. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, this was in direct opposition to so many things the Spirit had witnessed as truth to me. This launched me on a study path in the BoM, the Spirit led me to so many chapters and verses that I had NEVER seen the same way. I knew that I could not stand honest before my God and continue to comply. So, I received a medical exemption, having a history of head trauma, in an attempt to remain on my mission teaching the gospel without having to wear a mask. A week or so went by and I got a call from my MP, I was going to be on a plane headed home in 2 days. The only reason I got was: “missionaries need to appear compliant”, and that was that.

Being home was strange. Was I going to Hell because I got sent home early from my mission? I had a lot of questions; so, I decided to clear my slate and understand what my beliefs were and why. God exists, not only exists but He is patient, loving, and merciful. He knows me and my circumstances, I cannot deny it. I began to study early church history, although it is very muddy. I believe that the BoM was inspired by the Lord and brought forth to us through His servant Joseph Smith, but that after Joseph we have had presidents who lead the church, not prophets. I wanted to know what made someone a prophet or seer as taught in the BoM, and I simply do not see those qualifications or abilities being met by the brethren. I wanted to know what Christ’s doctrine really was, and saw contradictions with the teachings of the church. This made me extremely sad, I had loved every single word from these men my entire lives. This was what I had been raised on… some of you know my father, he towed the line harder than many people. But I could not deny the things I had studied, the Spirit I felt, nor the promptings I had received. It hurt, but the Lord let me know I was learning what He needed me to and helped me to feel peace.

Around the time I got home we had a stake conference. The last speaker was our stake president, I had one main takeaway from his words. He said something to the effect of, “we must follow our leaders, even blindly… I will follow RMN to the ends of the earth.” Wonderful man, I love and pray for him, but that statement made me so uncomfortable. This idea has been promoted hundreds if not thousands of times from Brigham Young all the way to Nelson, that “the prophet will never lead you astray”. I take issue with said claims, because Jesus Christ taught against it in 2 Nephi 28:31 and JST Mark 9. If I followed the counsel of my leaders I would be denying the witnesses of the Spirit I had received, in effect I would be denying my personal relationship with Jesus.

Fast forward, I moved my records to our local YSA ward. I attended on and off, going to many of the Monday night activities. I made some like-minded friends who were also wary of the direction the church is taking in regards to c*v*d. One day I get to the sacrament meeting a little early and talk with the bishop’s wife because we hadn’t met yet, one of said friends comes up to say hi and she asks me how I know him. I said, “oh, I introduce myself to everyone who doesn’t wear a mask”, to which she was a bit shocked. She told me that the stake was speaking that day and would be asking all of us to wear masks. I didn’t think much of it, because technically we were already asked to do so–yet here I was, but I let her know that if they made masks a requirement I would walk out and not come back. Right as this happens the bishop comes over and she quickly pulls him aside to talk. I head with my friend and we sit in about the 3rd row from the front, almost in the middle. Well, one of the stake counselors gets up to speak. This is my interpretation of his message. He began speaking about commandments, that it is a commandment to follow the prophet, the prophet has asked us to follow local guidelines, so we have to wear masks. He is looking at me as he says, “wearing masks is a requirement for church attendance.” I stood up, looked at him as I shook my head, and walked out. I wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t going to the bathroom, I disagreed with what he just said so strongly that I would not remain in that meeting. I swear the room was silent until I passed through the hall doors. I felt better getting in my car after that than I had felt in a long time, I know that I was right to oppose something that was offensive to the spirit I feel.

Apparently, this counselor goes home and calls the stake president. Well, the next week he and my bishop showed up at my house one evening. He said the intent for his visit was to let me know that he was the one who wanted all of them to deliver that message (we all need to wear masks even though the mandate was lifted months ago) and that if I was going to "murder the messenger" I should know it was his fault. He then says, "I apologize if my message offended you, but I do not apologize for the message itself." So, we are off to a good start. My bishop follows up asking if I will be coming to church again. I told them that wearing masks is satanic, same with the injections. I also explained that it's not just the masks that will keep me from going to church but that I have issues with the doctrine that I am being taught. We had discussions about some of those including tithing and such. He then tells me that he hasn't done any of his own research about masks, that it doesn’t matter whether they work or not, and that he doesn't need to because he sustains the brethren and our area 70 and they have asked him to (BTW, them asking him to was in an email on Nov 13 last year). He said that because he has received no further instruction he has to comply with the last thing they asked him to do. He told me that he will follow their counsel and agree with their policies. I asked him if that was his definition of sustain, he said it was one of them. If this is the definition of sustain, and I have since discovered that the church does teach it multiple places on their own webpage, then I cannot sustain any man without denying the teachings of Christ. The handbook even states that you are in apostasy if you are in repeated public opposition to the church OR its leaders. If you disagree with them, your salvation is at stake. The conversation ended a bit awkwardly… multiple times my SP bore testimony to me of the church and brethren, at the end re-emphasizing that he is sorry if I’m offended but not sorry for the message itself. We shook hands and they went on their way. I love both of these men albeit our disagreements.

I continue in my studies and, at this point, I am completely emotionally removed from the church. There are wonderful truths we have received per the restoration, but the current organization as it stands is impossible for me to attend. I cannot honestly answer the baptismal interview questions as I will not pay tithing to the church nor sustain the president as a prophet, seer, or revelator. I had to ask myself the question, should I be part of an organization to which I would not be permitted entry? Is keeping my records in the church a sign that I am still in agreement with the things I said to get those records in the first place? I decided that I should remove them and that if at some point in time either the requirements or my views had changed I would begin the process of reinstating my membership. So I met with my bishop, at first he straight-up told me no, he would not remove my name haha. After an hour-long conversation, he was willing to begin the process for me. Many of the things we discussed can be found in my resignation letter. Certain views have changed slightly since writing that letter, but many of them are consistent with my current stance.

Now you’ll ask, where does that leave me? I am a firm believer of Jesus Christ’s teachings and doctrine, and consider myself a member of His church. Some key elements of His doctrine and gospel are found in 2 Nephi 31:13, 2 Nephi 32, and 3 Nephi 27:20-21. I also feel these connect beautifully with D&C 10:65-70. Verses 67-68:

“Behold, this is my doctrine–whosoever repenteth and cometh unto me, the same is my church. Whosoever declareth more or less than this, the same is not of me, but is against me; therefore he is not of my church.”

There are save two churches (1 Nephi 14:10), and I am striving my best to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ and the Spirit. “Feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do” (2 Nephi 32:3). I firmly believe that Christ’s doctrine is simple, that we are all on different paths, and that if we follow Him we will see eye-to-eye when it matters most. I feel a personal call to declare, with a loud voice, both the light and darkness that I have found. D&C 123:11-17 states that it is our imperative duty to “light all the hidden things of darkness, wherein we know them”, and I feel those words apply to us today. I add my witness that “these things should then be attended to with great earnestness.” I am excited, and feel strongly that the day is not far off that we will see our Savior in the flesh. Things are going to be rough (Luke 21:16-19), but with faith in Christ we shall not fear. I want to ask questions, I want you to ask questions. I want you to understand what it is you believe and WHY you believe it, and above all else I want you to love and trust Jesus Christ.

I do not hate the church, I do not hate any of the friends, family, or leaders that have treated me harshly since I have begun sharing my thoughts and beliefs. I simply love the Lord my God and will do all I can to follow His counsel, reject falsehoods, and champion beautiful truths. I am bold, but open to being wrong. Guys, I mess up all the time. So please help me understand when you feel I have made a mistake, but without lashing out or resorting to personal slander. We can all disagree yet love each other as Christ taught.

Godbless friends!